Low Self Confidence: A Male's Perspective

Last week, I focused on low self confidence in girls and women. Now let's talk about guys... I hear it’s tough out there for men.

When I was a little girl, my Dad and the men around me always appeared to be self-confident and assured of themselves, so naturally, I thought that all men were confident specimens. Some years later, I came to realise that self-confidence does not naturally come to men...Yep, they have issues too. Many men, young and old, are preoccupied with how others perceive them, how they look, who they are, their success, status, friends or lack of…the list goes on. However, not as many people like to talk about low self-confidence or low esteem in men, the focus is usually on the opposite sex... Not today though.

A budding young man gave me a little insight on what he has noticed about low self-confidence in guys.

If you are under 6ft you’re unnoticeable. People don’t tend to notice you as much. Girls mostly want tall men. Sports scouts/coaches tend to initially notice those who are bigger and taller.

There’s also the gym factor – There is pressure to look physically good – well toned and it’s really not for health reasons…It’s a matter of aesthetics. A lot of guys don’t tend to show their insecurities, however, if you listen and watch, you can hear it in their banter and general conversation. Some guys accept that others may have low self-confidence. While others just make fun or complain about it.

Although the above points were made by just one individual, nevertherless, there are several comments, opinions and statistics online that suggest the opinion expressed is common in young men. So what are some of the low confidence triggers for our men and how can we help them?

In her piece for the Telegraph, Natasha Devon (writer, television pundit and founder of the Body Gossip Education Programme, which delivers self-esteem classes to teenagers all over the UK), put it like this:

‘Great swathes of their generation have fathers who are absent, either physically or emotionally, and have probably spent their school years being taught by women. In the absence of male role models, many have turned to social media and online pornography to learn about life’s fundamentals. If they have any doubts about their personal and social rejection, they need only refer to our press, which has taken to harping on relentlessly about how men are the enemy in the name of female empowerment.’

Of course this on its own is not the root cause of low self confidence in men, but the more I look into self confidence in men, especially young men, the more I realise how important it is for us as a society to focus on building up our young men. There is a lot of focus out there on girls, women - our emotions, beauty and rights. That’s great! Somewhere along the line, though, I feel generally as a society, we have lost focus on our guys.

As parents, teachers, mentors, religious and government organisations we can do more for our men, especially our teens and young men; we can empower them to become good, confident, goal achieving men. More specifically, Dads, uncles, other male family members/friends can lead by example in being good role models who they actually know.

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